The more I mull it over, the more ideas I have about what I would like to write... and the longer I hesitate before writing. The problem, perhaps, is that I feel responsible for what you understand. I want to craft my words perfectly, precisely, so that they cannot be misunderstood, so that I will be understood, but it is impossible. "The problem is that meaning cannot be transmitted by itself. There is no human language in the world that can transmit what Paul Ricoeur calls 'the meaning of meaning.' It must be embedded or 'clothed' in something, and that something is the account" (Ellul 11).

So, here I sit, and many nights lay awake, pondering what I would like to say in my account, which words can be used to cloak my meaning, what must be said, what must not be said, how it might be received and understood, and the most appropriate timing, tone, mode and even audience. All this mulling over might be paralyzing, or it is sober second thought?

Ellul, Jacques. "On Freedom, Love and Power." Ed. and Trans. Willem H. Vanderburg. Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 2010.